Home Sweet Home

You may remember I earlier stated that you need a first point to run to, a muster point if you will? A place to hide out at while you make sure that the Zombie Apocalypse is actually a Zombie Apocalypse not just a particularly rowdy night in whichever town you live in!

Well I know it’s not always possible to have a safe nearby location pre planned (hey most of us find it hard to have a far away safe hideaway never mind a second one) so lets work on the old saying; “An Englishman’s home is his Castle”.

First off make sure your home is well stocked, there’ll be more on this topic in a later post when we’ll discuss the perfect shopping list.

Now it’s time to Zombie Proof the outside, now this is the hard part, you don’t want to alter your house to obviously so lets pretend you keep the outside the same as always, though maybe invest in a better fence and gate if you have a garden, not much of a defense but it might discourage the casual zombie, or door to door salesperson. You do want a good quality door though, hard wood or metal for preference and NO I repeat NO windows! An internal door is also useful at this point, also works well for your green credentials but hey who cares about that when the world is owned by the dead? Windows, yes you still have them, make sure you have nice thick curtains that will block out light at night, double glazing adds a slight protection but more importantly keeps the heat in and the zombie wails out. Now personally I also like blinds and these can be secured at the base to provide a basic shutter, but actual shutters might also be nice, but when you’re certain the zombies are around, spend an hour with a hammer and the planks of wood you keep handy, a layer outside and if it gets bad a layer inside too. Upstairs windows can be left as normal, as long as normal includes blackout curtains for night, and blinds/light curtains for the day so nothing outside can tell you’re in, once again you’re essentially doing the same for Zombies as for door to door sales!

So remember when the mindless soul suckers arrive, treat them like zombies and stay hidden, stay quiet and stay safe!

Running and running

Again we've all sometimes felt the need to display the better part of valour, discretion. That is to say we issued the immortal line "Run Away!" Now that's not a crime let's be honest what kind of respectable film wouldn't have a Chase scene ( ok maybe a serious drama but even then sometimes ). So how should one run away?
Fast?
Sometimes depends on the situation. If you're in a post apocalyptic wasteland (it'll happen eventually and you'll be glad you read this ) then often speed is best, especially to get away from zombies. However usually its fairly easy to spot the fast moving escapee. So here's a tip, run fast until you get the opportunity to cover yourself. By this take a leaf out of Salt's book and learn to walk casually in a crowd and to disguise your look subtly- a hat is your friend, mayber take off or put on a jacket, not die you hair here! Leave your pursuer confused, that is the best look for them to have. Don't draw attention to yourself and if you can find a secure looking place to hide then do it but make sure there's an alternate escape route. So remember "he who runs always, lives to fight another day" and let's be honest next time you'll be better prepared....and armed!
So learn to walk before you run, its the best way to stay safe.
 

Under the sea

Situation: You need to get from point A to point B via point Sea (other bodies of liquid may be available), and lets face it it’s a post apocalyptic zombie action spy movie you’re in here so you need to do it quickly and without drawing attention to yourself. So you gently slide into the water, so far so good, nothing has seen or heard you yet. Time to start swimming… so you start with the front crawl? NO, you idiot you’ve just alerted everyone and lost sight and sound of everything. Here’s the quick tip, LEARN THE BREAST STROKE! OK it may not be as cool but it can be done silently, you can keep your eyes and ears open and hopefully you wont wake anything nasty that might fight or bite!

So learn to swim, and stay safe.

Quick tip

When the person you are hunting has a "special skills / training " section in their files that is more than a page long then just give up now and save your self the heartache. This goes double if any of the skills include unarmed combat, weapons specialist or explosives. Legitimate skills such as knitting may also be an issue if you are following the Demolition Man. 

Quick tips 1

Watching Due Date I was struck with the following idea. If you get assaulted or wrongly accused of something by a person in authority; this is a good time to have the number of your legal representation in your phone book. It's just a suggestion, it won't help you survive the apocalypse but it may prevent a lot of shit flowing your way.